So, someone else in the household basically grabbed my hands and FORCED me to play the game long enough to get at least somewhat into it.
It's hard to explain the irrational fear I can feel at the beginning of games. I'm a professional, and I've played a lot of games! But new games can feel big and confusing. The controls require memorization. Horrible death lurks around every corner. It makes me actively not want to play, whine about being forced to play, and try to quit at every possible opportunity.
It's sort of like geek social panic upon being thrust into a dance. "I don't know what to do" is so intense that you're rooted to the spot. If you can get past that and relax and realise that everyone is not trying to kill you, you can have a good time.
Except if it's one of those dances where everyone has lured you there to pour pig blood over your head and trigger certain doom. Wait, tangent.
Anyway. With someone helpfully prompting me through the beginning of the game ("Go to earth. Talk to that. Don't panic.") and the ability to turn on cyborg mode so I don't have to actually do the space battles part, the game suddenly shifts into something playable.